Rauner, Oberweiss Say Wealth Means They’ll Be Honest

Republican candidates Bruce Rauner and James Oberweiss said Tuesday that they will be less tempted to corruption than poorer candidates would be. “Voters can be sure that if we’re elected, we won’t engage in corruption as so many other Illinois politicians have done” said Oberweiss. “Quite simply, we don’t need the money.” Rauner, who made more than $53 million in 2012, agreed. “The amount of money George Ryan or Rod Blagojevich took wouldn’t make any difference to Jim or me. I’ve made millions managing Illinois public pension funds. Why steal money when the system makes it so easy for us to make money legally?”

Rauner and Oberweiss spoke at a joint press conference Tuesday. Asked whether there was any significance in their choice of that day to make their statement, Oberweiss and Rauner said “Of course. It’s April Fool’s Day. You don’t think we would actually say things like this, do you? We might think them, but we would never say them (except maybe in a safe environment, like a country club).”

(If you haven’t already figured this out, this is satire. Happy April Fool’s Day!)